


Holes In The Floor of Heaven

by eerian_sadow



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of canon character death, Other, Post-Series, Slash, community: competition_fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eerian_sadow/pseuds/eerian_sadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over, but the grief goes on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holes In The Floor of Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the August 15, 2011 round at competition_fun on livejournal.
> 
> the setting is post-season 4.

He stood under the light of the stars and wished that he could draw some sort of strength or comfort from them the way their human friends did. He wished they could give him peace, in spark or mind, and affirm for him that he was more than simply a victim of twisted science and desperate measures.

But like the Matrix in his chest, they remained silent on the subject.

Instead, the stars led him to settle his gaze on a distant pulsar, one close enough for him to count the radiation bursts it gave off with no additional scanners. He felt ill when he realized that the pulsar flashed at exactly the same rhythm Prowl’s spark always had. Grief flooded through him, the same way it had when Ultra Magnus had gently told him the fate of everyone on the shuttle.

It was a blessing that he didn’t remember his time in the Matrix. If he and Prowl had finally been able to find some kind of happiness together, he wasn’t forced to mourn its loss now.

“You know, he’d tell you that fussing over him now wasn’t logical.”

Optimus looked toward the source of the voice as Jazz spoke. The saboteur calmly held out a cube of energon, and the Prime wondered how long he had been standing there with it. He hadn’t heard the other mech’s approach at all.

“I would give anything for Prowl to be here to tell me that himself.” The Autobot leader took the cube and sipped at it half-heartedly. 

Jazz nodded understandingly. “Sometimes I look at that pulsar and wonder what might have been different if I had been on the shuttle and he’d stayed behind with you.”

Optimus jolted at the subtle reminder that Jazz and Prowl had been lovers in the earliest stages of the war, but if the saboteur noticed he gave no indication. He simply continued speaking.

“He wouldn’t have let you go off on that rescue mission half-cocked, that’s for sure. And maybe things would have changed in that battle in Autobot City. And I bet he would have had a better plan for dealing with Unicron that Roddy.” Jazz sighed and gestured at the planet. “And then I think maybe I’m being selfish, cause someone had to be in charge of making sure this all got set up nice and neat. Even Primus needs a good planner, right?”

Optimus’ ventilation hitched as he heard the sorrow in Jazz’s voice. He had known that other Autobots grieved the loss of their friends, but no one had ever been so upfront with him about it. “Jazz I...”

The saboteur shook his head. “I’m all right, Prime. As I can be, anyway. Just get like this sometimes. But I remember something Sparkplug told me when I do. Seems some humans believe stars ain’t just stars. They believe that stars are holes in the floor of their afterworld, and that the light we see is them looking at us and sending their love and happiness to us.”

“Does it help?” It was such a soft, beautiful sentiment that he desperately hoped it did help his friend.

“Sometimes. Some nights it just hurts too much, but on others it’s like he’s standing next to me, saying it’ll all be okay.”

“Will it be okay, Jazz?”

The saboteur gave him a sad smile. “Someday, Optimus. Someday.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Long after Jazz was gone, Optimus still stood on the roof of Autobot headquarters. The stars shone down on him and the pulsar continued to pulse at the same rhythm of Prowl’s spark.

Optimus offlined his optics and let himself believe the distant star was his lover reaching out to him. And in that moment, he thought he heard a beloved voice telling him that everything would be all right.


End file.
